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 Posted by: DimmaDontTalkToMe
This Topic is for supporting eachother.
I will be updating this Topic with resources for self-care, and will be linking to other sub-categories and Topics with good insights as well..
If you have specific situations you'd like specific insights on how to handle, please share them in the comments. Much of what we cover here will incorporate MRT, Anger Control strategies, Seeking Safety, and general safe coping curriculums. We will also be relying on feedback from this community and experience from caseworkers in the field to offer the very best resources and feedback we can. General Coping Strategies General coping strategies are numerous. A good rule is to note that your coping should not cause harm to yourself or others, it should also not interfere with your work or ability to socialize. It can be difficult to distinguish between a coping strategy and an addiction/obsession. One of the best methods you can utilize for quick in-the-moment coping is deep breathing. This is where you breathe in deep through your nose, fill the bottom of your lungs first, and then breathe out of your mouth. Each inhale should take about 5 seconds, and you should be able to feel some tension in your body before you exhale. Not too much, it should not be painful at all. As you release the phsyical tension your body naturally wants to relax in addition to the oxygen you're getting. One method you can utilize is called Grounding. This is another good one to utilize if you find yourself becoming overwhelmed, and used alongside deep breathing it can be a very strong tool. There are three basic types of grounding Mental - try to make some categories and lists, how many sports teams can you think of, can you name all of the states? Physical - focusing on the tactile things around you. Fidget spinners are used for this purpose. You can also imagine what something would feel / taste like if you were to touch it or taste it (use wisely, don't hurt yourself) Emotional - Focus on things that are appealing emotionally. Cute animals, loved family members, upcoming events you're looking forward to, these are all good emotional grounding points to focus on. Many people have a favorite kind of grounding, so feel free to try them all out. And remember, this will not help you if you do not use it. Try to think of something that might agitate you in the upcoming future and pledge to use these methods at that time, also, practice them now (if you can). Trigger Thoughts, and Thought Distortions Trigger thoughts are the other half of anger. You can think of pain as being gasoline and the trigger thought as being the spark. All anger is derived from some pain, whether it be physical or emotional. To identify a trigger thought, you need to recognize these three things There is damage being done It is being done on purpose/knowingly It is wrong However, it's also important to think about whether or not you were in pain BEFORE the trigger thought took place. For example, imagine you woke up with a migraine and your roommate left their dishes on the counter AGAIN. You've asked them repeatedly to pick up after themselves, but now you have to do it. You think, "They're just inconsiderate jerks who don't care about me or that I always have to clean up after them; do they think I'm their maid? My morning is ruined! Everyone knows you should just wash it right away. This is making my headache worse". Now you're mad. Let's deconstruct the trigger thought There is damage being done
- You have to clean up after them. Dirty dishes being left out attract bugs/mice and can be harder to clean. It is being done on purpose/knowingly
- You've told them this is an issue already. You feel they had to choose to leave this dish out. It is wrong - It's disrespectful both to you and the property, might even be a character flaw. Now, let's take a look at whether or not there are Thought Distortions in our Trigger Thought. The thought distortions are: Blaming - I'm suffering because of you and the things you are doing, you need to change. Magnifying/Catastrophizing - This is the worst thing that could have happened, I don't thing this can be salvaged Overgeneralizing - This always happens... You never... Commanding/Demanding - The only right way is my way Inflammatory Global Labeling - Jerk, Fool; these reduce a person down to just one word Misattribution - I know exactly why you did that. In fact, I know why everyone does everything Blaming - This is making my headache worse Magnifying - My morning is ruined! Overgeneralization - I always have to clean up after them Commanding/Demanding - Everyone knows you should just wash it right away Inflammatory global labeling - Those inconsiderate jerks Misattribution - who do they think I am, their maid? Uh oh... It turns out each one of these thought distortions, in addition to being not entirely accurate, makes that anger burn a little hotter. Now that we've identified thought distortions, we need to adjust ourselves with coping thoughts that challenge them. This does not mean going through and pretending everything is fine when it is not. This is about managing the emotion you're feeling so you can come up with the very best path forward that you possibly can. Blaming - This is making my headache worse
- They're doing their best, I have to do my best Magnifying - My morning is ruined!
- It isn't great, but how bad is it really? I can come up with a plan, and then I'll still have my entire morning. Overgeneralization - I always have to clean up after them - I've had to clean up after them twice this week, when it used to be every day. It's not as bad as it used to be. Commanding/Demanding - Everyone knows you should just wash it right away
- Other people grew up differently, they've gotten through their whole lives like this. Inflammatory global labeling - Those inconsiderate jerks
- They're just people, this will only ruin our friendship if I let it. Misattribution - who do they think I am, their maid? - I'll try to come up with some other reasons how this could have happened. Maybe they intended to do it in the morning. I can wait until they wake up and ask them about it. Ok, couple this with some deep breaths and grounding, and find a good plan. Is the situation so dire that you do need to clean it up immediately? If not, wait until you can ask them to clean it up themselves. If you truly can't get over the mess there are other things you can do, such as save up and move out on your own, or having family meetings to monitor this progress as a gorup. The recurring theme with trigger thoughts is that it puts you in a position of having been harmed or victimized, and the theme with thought distortions is that it's up to someone else to help you feel better. These things cause stress and can make it very difficult to take care of day to day annoyances and obstacles. The next update will be on maintaining a good baseline with proactive coping strategies, and positive communication
Edited: Tags: xEmotional Support  Reply
x
Reply to: DimmaDontTalkToMeThis Topic is for supporting eachother.
I will be updating this Topic with resources for self-care, and will be linking to other sub-categories and Topics with good insights as well..
If you have specific situations you'd like specific insights on how to handle, please share them in the comments. Much of what we cover here will incorporate MRT, Anger Control strategies, Seeking Safety, and general safe coping curriculums. We will also be relying on feedback from this community and experience from caseworkers in the field to offer the very best resources and feedback we can. General Coping Strategies General coping strategies are numerous. A good rule is to note that your coping should not cause harm to yourself or others, it should also not interfere with your work or ability to socialize. It can be difficult to distinguish between a coping strategy and an addiction/obsession. One of the best methods you can utilize for quick in-the-moment coping is deep breathing. This is where you breathe in deep through your nose, fill the bottom of your lungs first, and then breathe out of your mouth. Each inhale should take about 5 seconds, and you should be able to feel some tension in your body before you exhale. Not too much, it should not be painful at all. As you release the phsyical tension your body naturally wants to relax in addition to the oxygen you're getting. One method you can utilize is called Grounding. This is another good one to utilize if you find yourself becoming overwhelmed, and used alongside deep breathing it can be a very strong tool. There are three basic types of grounding Mental - try to make some categories and lists, how many sports teams can you think of, can you name all of the states? Physical - focusing on the tactile things around you. Fidget spinners are used for this purpose. You can also imagine what something would feel / taste like if you were to touch it or taste it (use wisely, don't hurt yourself) Emotional - Focus on things that are appealing emotionally. Cute animals, loved family members, upcoming events you're looking forward to, these are all good emotional grounding points to focus on. Many people have a favorite kind of grounding, so feel free to try them all out. And remember, this will not help you if you do not use it. Try to think of something that might agitate you in the upcoming future and pledge to use these methods at that time, also, practice them now (if you can). Trigger Thoughts, and Thought Distortions Trigger thoughts are the other half of anger. You can think of pain as being gasoline and the trigger thought as being the spark. All anger is derived from some pain, whether it be physical or emotional. To identify a trigger thought, you need to recognize these three things There is damage being done It is being done on purpose/knowingly It is wrong However, it's also important to think about whether or not you were in pain BEFORE the trigger thought took place. For example, imagine you woke up with a migraine and your roommate left their dishes on the counter AGAIN. You've asked them repeatedly to pick up after themselves, but now you have to do it. You think, "They're just inconsiderate jerks who don't care about me or that I always have to clean up after them; do they think I'm their maid? My morning is ruined! Everyone knows you should just wash it right away. This is making my headache worse". Now you're mad. Let's deconstruct the trigger thought There is damage being done
- You have to clean up after them. Dirty dishes being left out attract bugs/mice and can be harder to clean. It is being done on purpose/knowingly
- You've told them this is an issue already. You feel they had to choose to leave this dish out. It is wrong - It's disrespectful both to you and the property, might even be a character flaw. Now, let's take a look at whether or not there are Thought Distortions in our Trigger Thought. The thought distortions are: Blaming - I'm suffering because of you and the things you are doing, you need to change. Magnifying/Catastrophizing - This is the worst thing that could have happened, I don't thing this can be salvaged Overgeneralizing - This always happens... You never... Commanding/Demanding - The only right way is my way Inflammatory Global Labeling - Jerk, Fool; these reduce a person down to just one word Misattribution - I know exactly why you did that. In fact, I know why everyone does everything Blaming - This is making my headache worse Magnifying - My morning is ruined! Overgeneralization - I always have to clean up after them Commanding/Demanding - Everyone knows you should just wash it right away Inflammatory global labeling - Those inconsiderate jerks Misattribution - who do they think I am, their maid? Uh oh... It turns out each one of these thought distortions, in addition to being not entirely accurate, makes that anger burn a little hotter. Now that we've identified thought distortions, we need to adjust ourselves with coping thoughts that challenge them. This does not mean going through and pretending everything is fine when it is not. This is about managing the emotion you're feeling so you can come up with the very best path forward that you possibly can. Blaming - This is making my headache worse
- They're doing their best, I have to do my best Magnifying - My morning is ruined!
- It isn't great, but how bad is it really? I can come up with a plan, and then I'll still have my entire morning. Overgeneralization - I always have to clean up after them - I've had to clean up after them twice this week, when it used to be every day. It's not as bad as it used to be. Commanding/Demanding - Everyone knows you should just wash it right away
- Other people grew up differently, they've gotten through their whole lives like this. Inflammatory global labeling - Those inconsiderate jerks
- They're just people, this will only ruin our friendship if I let it. Misattribution - who do they think I am, their maid? - I'll try to come up with some other reasons how this could have happened. Maybe they intended to do it in the morning. I can wait until they wake up and ask them about it. Ok, couple this with some deep breaths and grounding, and find a good plan. Is the situation so dire that you do need to clean it up immediately? If not, wait until you can ask them to clean it up themselves. If you truly can't get over the mess there are other things you can do, such as save up and move out on your own, or having family meetings to monitor this progress as a gorup. The recurring theme with trigger thoughts is that it puts you in a position of having been harmed or victimized, and the theme with thought distortions is that it's up to someone else to help you feel better. These things cause stress and can make it very difficult to take care of day to day annoyances and obstacles. The next update will be on maintaining a good baseline with proactive coping strategies, and positive communication
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